A dull day afoot on wet gravel,
Tyres whisking shallow puddles,
I feel a teasing warmth,
Beyond thick cloud, and
The crisp of the air –
You are there.
You are there.
Your hand outstretched against my breast as we brake too fast:
My fist clenches just the way you hate it-
As I stare at the approaching distance.
‘Don’t do that’ you ask, so my grasp loosens.
I shift gaze and lean into you as best I can,
To tell you about gluons mediating forces between quarks.
You let me tell you that these gluons are inside you, inside me…
The fabric of the multiverses:
I tell you this will be the answer to everything,
Everything, I emphasise against your doubting,
Life, death, and every being.
I wonder how it explains love,
As you ‘Sydney’ park outside of Aldi,
And as we stack bags into the boot,
I brush my hand against your little finger,
And I still think you might hate me,
As I undertake to trust you soon.
But soon has now been decades coming,
And I keep trying agains the odds.
So now with this soft touch of your finger,
As it lingers still I reckon I feel
The exchange of a very strong force:
Love gluons between quarks,
Between you and me,
In an Aldi car park.
She backs a boat with the precision of a surgeon wielding a scalpel,
Slicing through skin that is warm, but impervious to the nervous system’s warning.
And she is oblivious to the effect that this has on my all too anaesthetised heart.
I pass under sugar bush road
Blasting songs of the unrequited
And passing by the honey pot
Doe Paoro sounds about right –
With her rhythmic pulse of bass
Her slow love lyrics untethered
As the setting sun strokes my face.
cannot advance fairly
when we give speeches
at a race that drowns
the nations choices
always was,
always will be
white fellas voices.
It has been a year and 23 days since I posted. The last post was about missing my Da. He has been dead for a year and about 50 days. I have written a lot about grief before, but never before have I spent so much time in grief, and not writing. It was unexpected but I lost my voice.
It is hard to return to this page, and this stage in my life. I do not know how to make my very disparate interests cohesive. I don’t spend much time looking for new graffiti these days. I don’t even take photos of all that I find. I love podcasts about Blockchain. I fall asleep listening to youtube clips about Sophia, Hanson Robotics AI pop star.
It aches to labour on my grief too long and so I instead I distract myself. I have discovered Juggling the Jenkins. I use Pinterest more and Facebook less. I wonder if smart glass shares would be a profitable investment. I have a wallet full of cryptocurrency but since I upgraded my iPhone, have lost access to it. My Google Authenticator needs to be authenticated.
So that is the nutshell and I am in it. Maybe my new brand is new things. Pop culture. Let’s see what I come up with. In the meantime, here are some photographs of stuff.
I’m a Tanita Tikarim song
Her dulcet sadness
Haunting me
And in my head I sing along
“I think of you”:
And as I breath – I think of you,
And if I walk – I think of you,
I’ll fake a smile – and think of you,
Or fall asleep – still dream of you.
I know you were my biggest fan,
My friend and now and then
I’m calm enough again
– and think of you.
If I cry once it’s not enough,
If I try not to it’s too much,
And I’m not strong enough
To miss you yet,
Can’t settled on it yet,
And I can’t contemplate
You gone and yet I do.
