The Biggest Loser – Moron Edition

Is it just me or should this season’s The Biggest Loser – Family Edition really be called The Biggest Loser – Moron Edition? Seriously I am amazed some of these people have the prehensile grasp to hold a weight.

I get really cross with ‘TBL’ not for the reasons you would expect. I get cross because of how one dimensional the cross section of chubbies is that they portray. They tell the average viewer that if you are fat you must have no taste, style or joie de vivre whatsoever and I am here as living proof to tell you, this is wrong.

I frequently tell my family that if I went on the show, the trainers would be watching in horror as I downed a bottle of Bellarine Peninsula red, which I had carefully paired with a Drysdale Goats cheese and Pine Needle Oil from Italy. They would be crying into their video diaries about how I chose the 9 course degustation instead of stopping at the 7, and how enthusiastically I agreed to share a cheese board at the end. They would be horrified that I might choose Messina the same day as three full fat lattes.

Seriously, we are not all fat because we eat shit food. Some of us got this way eating awesome food. Heaps of it. And drinking our Bourgeoisie arses into oblivion. I mean, I have watched the beginning of the Complete Moron Edition in utter horror. Who eats an entire tray of frozen lasagne?  No one in my world. But ask me the last time I watched someone devour a wedge of DÁffoinois and I can tell you, it was yesterday.

I don’t know why I am sharing this. I am not even sure I have a point. But I guess I am saying: don’t judge me as a Bogan just because I am big. I am not this fat because of Macca’s. I live a really fucking good life. Really really good. You should envy me.

Categories: Poetry

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